Although we can be sure that God is always working for our good and the good of others, even through trials and suffering, we will not always know exactly what that good is. In many cases his ultimate purposes will not be evident for a long time. And in some situations his ways and objectives are simply too profound for us to comprehend, at least until we see God face to face (see Rom. 11:33-36).

This should not diminish our confidence in him or our willingness to obey him, however. As Deuteronomy 29:29 tells us, “The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.” This passage provides the key to dealing faithfully with painful and unjust situations. God may not tell us everything we want to know about the painful events of life, but he has already told us all we need to know. Therefore, instead of wasting time and energy trying to figure out things that are beyond our comprehension, we need to turn our attention to the promises and instructions that God has revealed to us through Scripture.

Adapted from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict
by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) pp. 64-65.

 

Food for Thought

Does believing that God works for your good in a conflict depend on your ability to see what that good is? What happens to your belief if you don’t see that good for several weeks, months, years… or not at all this side of heaven?

In these situations, we must hold tight to the wealth of promises in Scripture and look closely at those passages that reveal the character of God. In times of greatest uncertainty, we must consciously choose to believe that God is working all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). We may not understand what God is doing, but we can always trust in who God is and trust that he knows what he’s accomplishing.

“‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are
your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord.” Isaiah 55:8.

A blog post from RedeemingChurchConflicts.com, written by Dave Edling, co-author of the new book, Redeeming Church Conflicts.

 “The church is divided and broken. It is filled with sinners and hypocrites. It is not perfect and, in this life, it will never be perfect, but it is nevertheless instituted by God. God has always entrusted his gospel, the ministry, and the sacraments to redeemed sinners, and he expects those who bear his name to be united to a particular congregation.”

With those sentences, and a few others, Dr. R. Scott Clark begins his excellent article A Perfect Church? Not In This Life (Evangelium Vol. 4: Issue 2, MAR/APR 2006; a quarterly publication of Westminster Seminary California).

A Perfect Church! In this Life! That is what many desire … demand … expect … covet. A church where everyone always thinks only on “whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, excellent or praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8).” That would be ideal. Perfectly ideal. A church where everyone lives consistently with all of the implications of the Christian Gospel. A church where self-interest is always secondary to the interests of others (Philippians 2:4). A church where there is no conflict!

How can a person find such a church? As the title of Professor Clark’s article implies: Die.

Only in eternity does such a congregation flourish (see Revelation, chapters 21 and 22). We know now, however, based on God’s promises, that one day those who faithfully serve and persevere in the imperfect church will finally find the perfect church they long for. Dr. Clark writes, “Since the fall, the institutional church has always contained believers and unbelievers. Our Lord himself compares the church to a field with both weeds and wheat. According to Christ, the program for this age is to ‘let both grow together until the harvest, and at that time I will tell the reapers,’ ‘Gather the weeds first and bind them in bundles to be burned, but gather the wheat into my barn’ (Matthew 13:24-31; ESV). The church is composed of wheat and weeds. We live in the time of sowing. We need to adjust our view of the church to match that of Jesus.”

Conflict in your church? People living for self? Defensiveness and self-justification at every turn? Welcome to the church, the perfect church! It is perfect because it is Christ’s. It is perfect because it reflects the reality of our humanity (very imperfect!), and it is perfect because it matches what the Lord has ordained it to be for this age. You are probably already a member there!

Some abandon and flee their church because it is sinful, but, as Dr. Clark notes, “I suspect the real problem that some have with the church is not just its sinfulness, but more fundamentally, its humanity.” Yes, the church is human but not of human origin. It is the church of God and a divine institution. The hard part for me, and I think probably most of us, is not confusing my definition of “divine” with that of our Lord’s.

-Dave Edling

We’re excited that a new book is now available to serve church leaders and members, particularly when their church is going through a significant conflict. In Redeeming Church Conflicts, authors Tara Barthel and David Edling bring their years of experience in helping conflicted churches and have created a resource that gives a vision for redeeming even the most painful and difficult church conflict. In the book, they look at Acts 15–the first recorded conflict in the early church–and from that passage, they unpack a scriptural framework for responding to church conflict. It’s a book filled with practical guidance, biblical wisdom, real-life examples, and gospel-centered hope.

Order a copy of Redeeming Church Conflicts now.

Dave and Tara have created a blog where they’ve already written many excellent posts, digging deeper into topics they couldn’t fit into their book. We’ll be re-posting several of them here in the coming weeks, but I encourage you to explore for yourself. They also just released a video trailer for their book. Watch the video below to get a sense of their heart and the content in the book:

And later this week, we’ll be sponsoring a giveaway of this and other peacemaking books at Challies.com, so stay tuned for details.

What are you really living for? It’s crucial to realize that you either glorify God, or you glorify something or someone else. You’re always making something look big. If you don’t glorify God when you’re involved in a conflict, you inevitably show that someone or something else rules your heart.

- Ken Sande, Resolving Everyday Conflict

You can purchase Resolving Everyday Conflict online through our bookstore or you can download the audiobook for FREE this month at ChristianAudio.com.

 

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will
fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father.” Matthew 10:29

To be sovereign means to be supreme, unlimited, and totally independent of any other influence. God alone has such power (Ps. 86:10; Isa. 46:9-10). The Bible teaches that God’s dominion is so great that he has ultimate control over all things. His sovereignty extends over both creation and preservation (Ps. 135:6-7; John 1:3; Col. 1:16-17; Rev. 4:11). He rules over all governments (Prov. 21:1; Dan 2:20-21; 4:35). He alone controls individual lives and destinies (Jer. 18:6; John 6:39; Rom. 9:15-16; 15:32; Eph. 1:11-12; James 4:15). At the same time, he watches over events as small as a sparrow’s fall from a tree (Matt. 10:29).

Adapted from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict
by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 60.

 

Food for Thought

Big or small, God is over all.

Sovereign. Supreme. Unlimited. Those are words that speak of power and might and greatness. They describe our Father who art in heaven and rightly so. Ken reminds us that we serve a God who is “totally independent of any other influence.” It’s reassuring to know that our great and mighty God is fully involved in bringing peace to situations and circumstances too big for us — the BIG peaces. Peace in Jerusalem. Peace in Darfur. Peace in inner city New York.

But it’s humbling to remember that our great and mighty God is also totally committed to bringing peace to those places and spaces that aren’t so big and grand — the little peaces. Such as peace between two families in a church of fifty people tucked away in the hills of Carolina. Peace between a husband and wife who squabble over financial matters; not a lot, but just enough to keep distance between them. These situations-in-need-of-peace will never make the evening news or the front page of the Sunday paper. But neither do sparrows falling to the ground. But he sees them. And our Sovereign, Supreme, and Unlimited God sees and cares and desires his peace to reign, regardless of the size.

 

 

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking,
correcting and training in righteousness.” 2 Timothy 3:16

It is often helpful to refer to the Bible as a source of objective truth when you have a disagreement with another Christian.

Adapted from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict
by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 180.

 

Food for Thought

Every disagreement needs an objective voice.

Here’s a saying you may have heard: There are two sides to every story, and the truth is somewhere in the middle. That’s definitely a step in the right direction, but it stops short of being truly wise because it leaves “the middle” undefined. Is ” the middle” a combination of what side A and side B are proposing? Is “the middle” the input of a family member, friend, or co-worker? That all still sounds very subjective; what a disagreement needs is something objective.

Ken reminds us that when disagreements arise between Christians, “the middle” needs to be the Bible, God’s Word, the source of objective truth. God’s Word is a lamp so our stubborn feet can find the way again to peace. It’s a light so our eyes filled with anger or pride can truly see what’s going on. (Remember… Scripture has as much to say to YOU as it does to the other person.) The Bible is that two-edged sword which cuts through our defenses and reveals the motives of the heart. Those God-breathed words train us to be much more than right; they train us to be righteous. The next time you have a disagreement with another Christian brother or sister, don’t just put anything in the middle. Put God’s Word in the middle.

Have you ever attended one of our Peacemaker Conferences before?

If not, we invite you to join us this year in Denver where we’ll be looking at what living in community as the body of Christ means with our theme, “Life Together“. If you have been to one of our conferences, we’d love to see you back as we explore ways to bring God-glorifying conflict resolution principles to the Church. Also, feel free to share this video with anyone you think might be interested!

Don’t forget to register today to take advantage of the lowest prices! 

2012 Peacemaker Conference Promo from Peacemaker Ministries on Vimeo.

We invite you to attend the 2012 Peacemaker Conference – Sep 13-16 in Denver, CO. For all the details, please see: www.peacemakerconference.net

 

 

 

 

 

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there
remember that your brother has something against you, leave
your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to
your brother; then come and offer your gift.” Matthew 5:23-24

If you learn that someone has something against you, God wants you to take the initiative in seeking peace — even if you do not believe you have done anything wrong.

Adapted from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict
by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 148.

 

Food for Thought

Q: What if I had no idea that I had offended Jim?

A: If you had no idea, then you’re not responsible. But if you learn or overhear or even get a vague sense that things aren’t quite right between you and Jim, then you are responsible.

Q: So I’m responsible to do what? Talk with Jim? Confront him? What?

A: We must remember that taking the initiative always has a goal — seeking peace. Peacemaking may begin with conversation and progress to confrontation. Then again, it may involve extending kind words or clarifying hurt feelings. There are many different facets, but the gem is called making peace. And the first step is to “go.”

Q: But what if I haven’t done anything wrong to Jim? To take the initiative seems so counter-intuitive.

A: It’s all a matter of obedience. The heart of the matter is not, “Were you right or wrong?” but “Will you be obedient?” God asks you to take the initiative in seeking peace. In this way, you are imitating God himself, who took the initiative to seek peace with you. Yes, it may feel counter-intuitive, but the ways that seem right to us oftentimes lead to death. God’s ways lead to life. It’s not just because He said so. It’s because He loves us so.

The theme for the Peacemaker Conference this September is “Life Together.” This title is drawn from Dietrich Bonheoffer’s classic book by the same title, which our staff studied together last year.

Since studying it, God has given some of us major homework on this topic. Take last night for example. I was sitting in a restaurant across the table from a man who had repeatedly lied, stolen, and broken promise after promise to several people, especially his wife. I did not even want to be in the same room with Max (not his real name), much less pursue a “life together” with him.

But Jesus brought to mind one of the many profound insights from Bonhoeffer’s book: “The goal of all Christian community is that we meet one another as bringers of the message of salvation.”

So although I felt like throwing all of Max’s wrongs right in his face, God gave me grace to bring him the gospel instead.

“Max,” I said, “I have a gift for you. I believe you are a Christian, so I want to assure you that all of your sins have been forgiven in Christ. Every single one. Every lie, every theft, every broken promise. Jesus took them all to the cross and paid for them with his own blood. At the same time, he transferred to you his spotless record. So when God looks at you right now, what he sees is someone who is clothed in the righteousness of his Son.”

Max’s look of defensiveness morphed into one of confusion and puzzlement. I could imagine some of the thoughts running through his mind: “Why is Ken saying this?” “What’s he up to?” “What’s the catch?” “Where will we go from here?” So I went on …

“Because God loves you, Max, he’s not going to give up on you. He’s already given you a perfect record for heaven and he’s going to keep working in you so that your life increasingly matches up with who you are in Christ. If you resist him and continue in these habits, he will probably bring increasingly unpleasant consequences into your life, because he promises to discipline those he loves.”

“But if you want to break free of these patterns, God is ready this moment to pour grace into your life and give you counselors who can guide you into a whole new way of living. The choice is yours … continued stumbling, grief, and regret, or a life of freedom, supportive accountability, and renewed relationships with your wife, family, and church.”

After a long pause, his shoulders sagged, his face softened, and he started to ask questions: “How can I break these patterns after so many years?” “How can I pay for what I’ve stolen from you?” “How can I start rebuilding trust with my wife?”

We talked for another hour, and when we parted I felt a genuine love and hope for Max. He’s got a long road to walk, but today I learned that he’s already met with the counselor. He’s started to return things he’s taken from others. And he’s searching for ways to restore his family. It won’t be easy. It will probably be three steps forward and two back. But that’s a net gain of one.

That’s life together … walking side by side so when one of us stumbles the other can lift him back up through the love of Christ.

Be sure to visit our conference website for more details on our conference or how to register. 

If you learn that someone has something against you, God wants you to take the initiative in seeking peace–even if you do not believe you have done anything wrong. If you believe that another person’s complaints against you are unfounded or that the misunderstanding is entirely the other person’s fault, you may naturally conclude that you have no responsibility to take the initiative in restoring peace. This is a common conclusion, but it is false, for it is contrary to Jesus’ specific teaching in Matthew 5:23-24: “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”

Adapted from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict
by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 148.

 

Food for Thought

 

Do you recall the “Great Commission?” This was Jesus’ command to his disciples in Matthew 28:18-20 to “Go and make disciples of all nations.”

Think about Matthew 5:23-24 as “The Other Great Commission”– and it may be even more challenging for us to fulfill. Going to reconcile with someone who has a complaint about us involves humility (“Why should I go to them if they’re the one who’s upset?”), empathy (attempting to see the situation from someone else’s perspective), and obedience (we go because Jesus commands us, not because we want to or even because we feel that reconciliation is possible). Are there any people in your life to whom you need to “go” today in order to reconcile? Maybe there is a long-standing feud between you and a family member or former friend that God is inviting you to begin to address today through this reminder.