From today’s PeaceMeal (perfectly on topic for the 2010 Peacemaker Conference):

The Faith That Forgiveness Requires

Above all else, remember that true forgiveness depends on God’s grace. If you try to forgive others on your own, you are in for a long and frustrating battle. But if you ask God to change your heart and you continually rely on his grace, you can forgive even the most painful offenses. God’s grace was powerfully displayed in the life of Corrie ten Boom, who had been imprisoned with her family by the Nazis for giving aid to Jews early in World War II. Her elderly father and beloved sister, Betsie, died as a result of the brutal treatment they received in prison. God sustained Corrie through her time in a concentration camp, and after the war she traveled throughout the world, testifying to God’s love. Here is what she wrote about a remarkable encounter in Germany:

It was at a church service in Munich that I saw him, the former S.S. man who had stood guard at the shower room door in the processing center at Ravensbruck. He was the first of our actual jailers that I had seen since that time. And suddenly it was all there–the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie’s pain-blanched face.

He came up to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing. “How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein,” he said. “To think that, as you say, he has washed my sins away!”
His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who had preached so often to the people in Bloemendall about the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side.

Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? “Lord Jesus,” I prayed, “forgive me and help me to forgive him.”
I tried to smile, I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. “Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness.”

As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me.

So I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on him. When he tells us to love our enemies, he gives, along with the command, the love itself.

Adapted from  The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict 
by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 217-218.

Food for Thought

Why do we agonize over whether we ourselves will be able to forgive those who have sinned against us? Our forgiveness is a pale substitute of what is needed. Instead, what is necessary is just this: that we allow Christ’s forgiveness of us–the forgiveness that flows through us and brings life to us–to flow outward from us to reach the others in our lives who, like us, are equally undeserving of his mercy. For “[i]t does not, therefore, depend on man’s desire or effort, but on God’s mercy.” (Rom. 9:16).

From The Crossway Blog, an excerpt from A Sincere and Pure Devotion to Christ Vol 1 by Sam Storms:

No one enjoys being misunderstood or having their motives questioned. By nature we’re defensive and seek ways to vindicate our reputation. All too often we react rather than respond. Sam Storms draws on Paul’s interaction with the church in 2 Corinthians 1:12-2:4 to provide some wisdom that we can apply as we seek to grow in godly communication:

1. Don’t be quick to “read between the lines.” Unless past indiscretions or the preponderance of evidence indicate otherwise, trust your Christian friends. Give them the benefit of the doubt when they say they are sincere (vv. 13–14).

2. Don’t always look for some ulterior and sinister motive in what others do simply because things did not turn out the way you wanted them to (vv. 15–16).

3. If someone has proven himself faithful and devoted in the past, don’t be quick to believe accusations brought against him by an outsider. Be patient and give him an opportunity to explain himself. In other words, don’t jump to conclusions, for it just may be the case that you are the one at fault (vv. 17, 23).

4. Don’t become frustrated or withdraw yourself from other Christians if they should prove fickle or unfaithful. Ultimately, your trust and dependence are not in them anyway, but in Christ who never fails (vv. 19–22).

5. Finally, even if it means suffering unjustly and being slandered, avoid unnecessary confrontations. Don’t be too quick to vindicate yourself. Be willing to endure what you don’t deserve for the sake of peace in the body of Christ. The opportunity to clear your name will eventually come (v. 23).

HT: Vitamin Z

A friend (an 83 year old one, at that) just sent me this “computerized” version of the Four Promises of Forgiveness. I thought they were worth passing along:

I will not leave this on my screen or anywhere it can be seen.
I will not put this in any folder where it can ever be retrieved.
I will not forward this to anyone.
I will delete this and any other reference to it from all my files and recycle bin.

How often do we keep those wrongs done to us in the “Recycle Bin” of our heart? We say we’ve gotten rid of them, and perhaps that really was our intent at the time. But they are still there… lurking… ready to be pulled out again to dwell on or to use against someone.

By God’s grace, friends, when we offer forgiveness, let’s “empty the recycle bin” and get rid of those wrongs for good!

Below is a story we just received from a friend; he is an American who lives in another country and just completed our Conflict Coaching training. He is excited to see opportunities that God is giving him to practice what he learned.  We hope that his story will encourage you (names have been changed):

I have another example of peacemaking in action for you:

I don’t know if we told you about the young man who is living with us.  He’s from a local American run orphanage and needs a place to stay while he finishes his high school.  He’s a junior like our middle son. He’s been with us for about 6 months now.  Last Sunday evening, he and Beth got into a confrontation about his lack of involvement in household activities.  He was happy doing only the minimum as I had put on a “chore chart” for him and our two sons.  It went bad when Beth who was working to make dinner told him to set the table, and he responded that he wasn’t on the chore chart for Sunday evening.  Beth interpreted his resistance as ungratefulness and challenged him.  He responded that he did what was expected and that was enough.  By the time I entered, it had reached a point of no return as neither was trying to understand the other.  I tried to mediate, but in the end, the young man, Josh, left the kitchen and went to his room and Beth, rightly feeling I had been slow in getting involved, stormed out of the house to cool down.  No one felt like eating.

I told the boys that we would have a family meeting to sort out the confusion when Beth returned.  When she hadn’t returned an hour later, the boys and I went out looking for her and Josh went to bed.  Our youngest son found Beth, and they went to a co-workers home to talk and have some hot chocolate.  They returned a couple of hours later.  She was doing better but still feeling very hurt.  She said she didn’t have the emotional energy to deal with Josh’s rebellious attitude and I would have to find another place for him to stay while I traveled in the next week.  We tried to talk through some issues, but she was too tired.  Needless to say, we all went to bed feeling very frazzled.

I woke in the night praying for God to show me how to lead us through this confrontation.  As I prayed, I thought of the 4 principles of peacemaking and began to understand what I needed to do to be a peacemaker in this situation.   In the morning, I got up earlier to make tea for Beth as I felt she needed to sleep in.  I told the boys I was sad that we had had the confrontation, but I was glad that God was giving us the opportunity to see Him work in each of our lives through this.  I assured each of them, especially Josh, that they were not the problem.  I owned my part of the conflict and told them God wanted to do something in my life as well.  As I dropped them at school, I told them we would meet as a family after school to work through this.

I decided to work from home so Beth and I could have time to make peace with each other.  I realized the first thing I needed to do was ask for her forgiveness for my slowness in getting involved the night before, which I did.  This opened the way for us to express other things we were dealing with that made the conflict even worse.  We began to try to see the conflict through Josh’s eyes.  Being relatively new to our home, I realized he needed further instruction in the expectations we have of each other, so I decided to put together a list of all the things that needed to be done to run a household.  I told Beth I believed God wanted to use this conflict in Josh’s life to show him the Biblical way to work through these situations since what he learned from the orphanage was anything but Biblical.  I also wanted all of us to understand how much Beth does that we don’t see so we could express our gratitude to her by working with her to help run the home.  I also put together a new and improved chore chart.

When the boys arrived from school, we went over the list of 20 or so household responsibilities and talked about who was primarily responsible for each.  After they heard Beth’s name several times, our youngest said, “I’m beginning to see a pattern here.”  Then we went over the chore chart which I designed so they would be working together more in doing the chores.  The change in Josh was almost immediate.  He has been very cooperative and even worked with our middle son on a chore without being asked.  What a blessing to live in a home at peace again!  Even though I leave this evening for almost three weeks, Beth is now very content to have him remain in our home.

Thank you again for allowing God to use you in our lives to show us how to seek His peace in our home.  Please feel free to share this story with others who might benefit from our experiences.

The first installment of a new video series called “Because I’ve been forgiven…”

Because I’ve Been Forgiven: Kerri from Peacemaker Ministries on Vimeo.

In this series, you will hear personal stories of forgiveness in anticipation of our 2010 Peacemaker Conference on forgiveness coming this fall to Reston, VA September 16-19, 2010. Look for these videos to be posted periodically in the time leading up to the conference. And please feel free to share them with others! (You can download for free by joining Vimeo.)

Praise be to God for the forgiveness He has extended to us, and for the way can extend forgiveness to others!

“Forgive as the Lord forgave you” Colossians 3:31b.

From our conference manager:

After much anticipation, registration is now open for the 2010 conference. Be sure to check out the conference website for all of the information.

If you have been to our conference before you will notice some new features and changes:

1. Our conference now runs through Sunday with a time of worship and a keynote address on Sunday morning. Don’t worry – you can still get back with an afternoon flight that day.
2. We have added the option of taking Conflict Coaching and Mediation or Conflict Coaching Only during the conference. This means that you can enjoy all of the general sessions of the conference but don’t have to take off as much time to attend Pre-Conference. Check out the registration page  for more details.
3. We have a fabulous line-up of keynote speakers including Joshua Harris, Thabiti Anyabwile, Chris Brauns, Bishop Efraim Tendero, and Ken Sande. We are excited to hear their message on forgiveness; it’s going to be powerful.
4. We are headed to DC. The host site, Hyatt Regency Reston, is located just outside the heart of DC and offers complimentary airport shuttle from Dulles International Airport, so it is a super convenient site for our conference. It is also in the midst of Reston Town Center that offers more than 20 restaurants right outside the hotel door.
5. We are asking for your stories of forgiveness to help us all engage with the theme of the conference. Watch here on the blog for the “Because I’ve Been Forgiven..” video series that we are starting and be sure to submit your forgiveness story. You’ll even get a conference discount!

With all of these new features you won’t want to miss the 2010 Peacemaker Conference. Come experience forgiveness once again as you hear the powerful story of the gospel. We look forward to having you join us this fall!

All for Him,

Kerri Takeuchi
Annual Conference Manager

As the Training Events Coordinator at Peacemaker Ministries, I find myself answering a variety of questions on the phone every day.  When someone hears about our Foundational Skills Training:  Conflict Coaching & Mediation, the first question to be answered is:  “What is Conflict Coaching & Mediation?”

That is a great question and instead of providing a text answer, we would like to invite you to join us for a FREE live Q & A Webinar this Friday, February 26th. 

Perhaps you already know about our training and have even taken our training before.  We would still love for you to join us and invite a friend.

Friday February 26th from 9-10am PST,10-11am MST, 11-12pm CST,12-1pm EST, 1-2pm  by registering at: https://www2.gotomeeting.com/register/579849730

(or)

Come join us for a free Q & A Webinar Friday, February 26th from 12-1pm PST, 1-2pm MST, 2-3pm CST, 3-4pm EST by registering at: https://www2.gotomeeting.com/register/538168730

Grab your lunch and a friend to learn about the difference between Conflict Coaching & Mediation. Have you been considering taking our training or know people who would greatly benefit from it? Maybe you have looked into our Certification Program but you aren’t sure if it’s for you, or maybe you just want to get better at resolving conflict in your personal circle. We would love for you to come join us for one of these webinars and ask us those questions that have been brewing in your mind.

We definitely appreciate the kind words from the folks at Baptist 21 regarding our newest resource, The Leadership Opportunity.

But I wanted to say that I really appreciated the humor in this (and other) tongue-in-cheek parody of church discipline. I laughed out loud, which is rare for me.

“Goin’ to Sheol on a greasepole.” Classic.

On pages 84-85 of The Peacemaker, Ken Sande explores what it means to obey Paul’s command to “rejoice in the Lord always” (Phi. 4:4), even when we are in the midst of conflict.  He asks, “What on earth is there to rejoice about when you are involved in a dispute?  If you open your eyes and think about God’s lavish goodness to you, here is the kind of joyful worship you could offer to him, even in the midst of the worst conflict:”

Oh Lord, you are so amazingly good to me! You sent your only Son to die for my sins, including those I have committed in this conflict. Because of Jesus I am forgiven, and my name is written in the Book of Life! You do not treat me as I deserve, but you are patient, kind, gentle, and forgiving with me. Please help me to do the same to others.

In your great mercy, you are also kind to my opponent. Although he has wronged me repeatedly, you hold out your forgiveness to him as you do to me. Even if he and I never reconcile in this life, which I still hope we will, you have already done the work to reconcile us forever in heaven. This conflict is so insignificant compared to the wonderful hope we have in you!

This conflict is so small compared to the many other things you are watching over at this moment, yet you still want to walk beside me as I seek to resolve it. Why would you stoop down to pay such attention to me? It is too wonderful for me to understand. You are extravagant in your gifts to me. You offer me the comfort of your Spirit, the wisdom of your Word, and the support of your church. Forgive me for neglecting these powerful treasures until now, and help me to use them to please and honor you.

I rejoice that these same resources are available to my opponent. Please enable us to draw on them together so that we see our own sins, remember the gospel, find common ground in the light of your truth, come to one mind with you and each other, and restore peace and unity between us.

Finally, Lord, I rejoice that this conflict has not happened by accident. You are sovereign and good, so I know that you are working through this situation for your glory and my good. No matter what my opponent does, you are working to conform me to the likeness of your Son. Please help me to cooperate with you in every possible way and give you the glory for what you have done and are doing.

(The Peacemaker, pages 84-85)

Several months ago my roommate brought home a new addition to our household.  She rescued a neglected 7 month old puppy from a local shelter.  He is guessed to be a black lab/pit bull mix.  Over the past few months, his intelligence has heightened but his mischievousness has also.  He learned quickly that he wouldn’t fit through our cat door after getting stuck in it.  Instead he will bump his nose against it to see what is going on in the kitchen.

Last weekend I came home to find Roscoe to have made a mess of the laundry room.  He had found an old bed of his, and ripped it to shreds.  I cleaned up the mess while making him stay outside.  I grabbed the vacuum cleaner and went to plug it in, when I noticed he chewed off the plug from the cord!  I know Roscoe hates the sound the vacuum makes, but really!?

Later in the week he learned to jump over the fence and play in the neighbor’s yard.  When my roommate told him to come, he looked both ways from sitting still and leaped over the fence.  He didn’t even need a running start.  Roscoe had gone from being an obedient trustworthy puppy, to being a teenage rebel without a cause.  His behavior would cause me to even compare him to Colton Harris-Moore.

Last night we were hanging out with Roscoe in the living room, when once again he filled the room with his penetrating and deadly flatulence.  My roommate had a lavender spray to remedy this but we couldn’t find it.  Instead we decided to leave him with his own scent, and escape to the kitchen.  When we came back to the living room my Mac Book Pro laptop was sitting on the floor with a strange looking design.  Pandora was still playing worship music, and as we examined it closer noticed the screen was shattered and dented.  Roscoe must’ve hit the computer screen while playing with his bone. 

I think it was God’s divine intervention to have this happen after I had a wonderful day, had eaten delicious ice cream, and was listening to worship music.  My first reaction was not to kill Roscoe, but instead God reminded me that this was just a material item.  What had been broken was fixable. 

This past week a friend revealed to me a heartbreaking story of an affair that happened within her family.  The damage that was done was seen immediately, just like the screen that Roscoe shattered.  That family cannot easily go to a store and get it fixed.  They cannot buy a new relationship and pretend like the old one never happened.  The wounds that were created from that sin hurt many hearts.  There is only one Craftsman that can fix that damage and his name is Jehovah-Rapha.  He is our God who heals.  He is our God who calls us to forgive.  He is our God who calls us to love even when we are hurt.  He is the one who can fix what has been broken. 

“But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our inequities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed.” –Isaiah 53: 5