Our Founder, Ken Sande, has a very insightful post over at his Relational Wisdom blog. I wanted to share a bit of it here, since it’s so good:

…As soon as I saw his face, I knew my explanation was worthless. No explanation was going to change his perception of my failing him or soften the pain I’d caused. Besides, I knew that an explanation would only seem like I was trying to justify or excuse my actions … which is exactly what I longed to do, but which would be of no help to my friend.

So I simply said, “I really failed you during the reorganization. I should have come and talked to you right away. My absence and silence must have hurt you deeply. I have no excuse or explanation. I failed you as a manager and I failed you as a friend. I was wrong, and I’m so very sorry. Can you please forgive me?”

His eyes softened as he said, “That’s all I needed to hear. I know you didn’t mean to let me down, but it helps to hear you admit you did. Jesus has forgiven me far worse things, so yes, I gladly forgive you. This is behind us; let’s move on.”

And that was the end of it. No explanation. No excuses. Grace flowed.

Read the whole thing. It’s worth it.

by Chip Zimmer, VP of Global Ministry

At some point in our lives, most of us will have a Prodigal Son experience. For Ugandan President, Yoweri Museveni, that time came recently when he publicly repented of his sins and the sins of the nation he has led for more than 25 years.

The Ugandan daily New Vision reports on its website that President Museveni spoke at the National Jubilee Prayers in Namboole recently. You can read all of the President’s remarkable prayer by clicking here. Some excerpts follow…

I stand here today to close the evil past and especially in the last 50 years of our national leadership history and at the threshold of a new dispensation in the life of this nation. I stand here on my own behalf and on behalf of my predecessors to repent. We ask your forgiveness…

Forgive us sins of pride, tribalism and sectarianism; sins of laziness, indifference and irresponsibility; sins of corruption and bribery that have eroded our national resources; sins of sexual immorality, drunkenness and debauchery; sins of unforgiveness, bitterness, hatred and revenge, sins of injustice, oppression and exploitation; sins of rebellion, insubordination, strife and conflict.

These sins and many others have characterized our past leadership, especially the last 50 years of our history. Lord forgive us and give us a new beginning. Give us a heart to love you, to fear you and to seek you. Take away from us all the above sins…”

And toward the close…

We want to dedicate this nation to you so that you will be our God and guide. We want Uganda to be known as a nation that fears God and as a nation whose foundations are firmly rooted in righteousness and justice to fulfill what the Bible says in Psalm 33: 12: Blessed is the nation, whose God is the Lord. A people you have chosen as your own.”

We can join President Museveni and the people of Uganda in making his prayer our own, not only for Uganda, but for every land, including ours, that has strayed from the Lord. The hard work of repentance remains to be done, as one Ugandan church leader noted. Yet, all of us can thank God for the awakening he has brought to the President and for the example he has set for leaders everywhere.

In 1907 Canadian missionary Jonathan Goforth had already been praying many years for revival in China. He traveled from China to Korea, where he saw the aftermath of Korea’s revival. He was deeply impressed with what he saw, including the “burning zeal to make the merits of the Savior known.”

When Goforth returned home to China’s Henan Province, his accounts of the Korean revival inspired fellow missionaries and the Chinese alike. Crowds were riveted by his stories of hidden sins confessed, rivalries healed, and masses saved. Yet Goforth did not see revival in China until the Lord dealt with one lingering conflict. Goforth had felt convicted about the need to reconcile with a fellow missionary, but he hadn’t yet acted. He was sure he was in the right, and the other missionary had even apologized. But Goforth could not put the issue to rest, despite perceiving nearly audible commands from God. Finally, in the middle of a talk, Goforth silently resolved to reconcile. He was sure that God would not go with him on an upcoming tour of mission stations unless he made things right. This seemingly simple resolution brought immediate changes. Without telling anyone of this silent commitment, Goforth saw the crowd’s demeanor change. When people stood to pray, they began weeping instead and could not continue. Never before in twenty years in Henan had the missionaries seen such genuine penitence from the Chinese.

No one gushed over Goforth’s speaking skills, as if he could subliminally compel audience reactions. But crowds heeded his heartfelt, plain-spoken pleas for confession and repentance. They shared his confidence that the Holy Spirit would work. They followed his admonitions to pray, trust the Bible, and exalt Jesus.

from A God-Sized Vision: Revival Stories that Stretch and Stir (Collin Hansen & John Woodbridge, Zondervan 2010), pages 142-143

Since we’ve been sharing quite a bit of videos lately, I thought I’d just continue the pattern with this morning’s post. I ran across this video while skimming my feed reader and it got a good giggle out of me — You really have to hang in for the twist at the end.

Where I work, I get the opportunity to see this lived out again and again, almost to the point that I forget how amazing it is when it happens. That is,when both people involved in a conversation chose to take a U-turn from the downward spiral of communication breakdown they’ve been on.

The truth is, often an authentic apology and a commitment to true forgiveness can change the course of a conversation and even the course of a relationship.  It’s like Ken says:

Through forgiveness God tears down the walls that our sins have built, and he opens the way for a renewed relationship with him. This is exactly what we must do if we are to forgive as the Lord forgives us: We must release the person who has wronged us from the penalty of being separated from us.

(Video HT: The Blazing Center)

I ran across this post from Barnabas Piper the other day and found Barnabas’ advice to be some of the best I’ve ever received myself.

I occasionally get asked for advice about being a new husband or a first time dad. Since I got married young and had kids young I have “experience”, I guess. By “experience”, of course, I mean battle scars and bruises from my regular encounters with my own idiocy and penchant for mistakes. I must look like a weathered veteran or something.

When the question is put to me “what piece of advice would you give to a new husband/dad” I always want to come up with something that would make Solomon jealous and Confucius plagiarize. Instead, all I have ever been able to come up with is this: “Always apologize first.”

Somewhere along the way I was given this piece of advice (or pieces of advice that added up to it) by a particularly wise counselor, and it has been an astoundingly prescient word by which to live. It falls under the banner of “A soft answer turns away wrath.” It enforces humility and self-examination. And it douses the flames that threaten to burn bridges between wife and husband or father and children.

(HT: Z)

This is a cross-post by Jerry Wall from the Peacemaker Support Blog, Making Peace. 

A peacemaking team recently had a chance to see God do a powerful work of reconciliation in a family. A couple in the church had become completely estranged from the husband’s sister. Hurts that went back many years were compounded by fresh hurts and sinful words recently. The relationship had completely broken down.

But everyone wanted to be reconciled: they just needed help…and asked their church’s peacemaking team for a mediation. To make a long story short, God did an amazing work in everyone’s heart. The power of the Gospel transformed their relationship: they repented and confessed, asking for and receiving one another’s forgiveness.

But the mediators were concerned about “buyer’s regret” once the initial emotions had subsided. So they sent the following email (names are omitted):

Hi [Husband] and [Wife]!

I hope you’re doing well. I’ve been thinking lately about you guys and [Party B] and thought I’d check in.

It’s been month today since our mediation. How do you feel like it’s been going? I know reconciliation in personal relationships takes time. I’ve not spoken to [Party B] since that Saturday, but just sent her essentially the same email you’re getting right now.

More than anything, just keep working on trusting God through all this, in the knowledge and joy of the forgiveness that’s yours in Christ.

If there’s any way we can help, I’d be glad to talk.

Praying still for you,
[your mediators from the church peacemaking team]

Minutes later, they received this reply from the husband:

[Team member],
Since you haven’t known all of us for years I don’t know if you realize the magnitude of the miraculous changes in stone hearts to flesh that took place (probably mine the most).

I know you could see some change [at the mediation] but probably did not know that what was happening was a greater miracle than the parting of the Red Sea. I know my heart and that of my wife, this is NOT an exaggeration.

Thank you and [the other team member] so much for your time and effort, you participated in a mighty and gentle work of Almighty God.

[Husband]
By the way it’s been going great.

To find out more about Peacemaking Teams, check out their blog and the page on our website that describes what they do.

On the website of World Magazine (www.worldmag.com), there is an excellent article on peacemaking by Andrée Seu that will be in the upcoming January 1 issue of World.

In the article, she documents 5 conflicts resolved in her life over the last week.  Reflecting on them, she writes:

“I feel quite happy at the moment. Not with myself, precisely, but with the Lord. I had done things His way, and His way paid off. I have peace. Peace is nice, I like it. Please understand, I am not viewing this repentance business mechanistically, nor appreciating doctrine from a purely utilitarian point of view. Nevertheless, it is fun to see how well God’s commands “work.” I feel like I just bought a new double-flex rod “pocket fisherman,” and it practically catches trout by itself.”

Isn’t it wonderful how God commands us to do things that truly are in our best interest?  He loves us, and that is why he calls us to be peacemakers and to live at peace with Him and with those around us.

Read the whole article on the World Magazine website.

This comic made me chuckle when I saw it on one of the blogs I follow:

(via)

I thought it relates perfectly to what Ken Sande has to say about why making a sincere, selfless apology matters:

As God opens your eyes to see how you have sinned against others, he simultaneously offers you a way to find freedom from your past wrongs. It is called confession. Many people have never experienced this freedom because they have never learned how to confess their wrongs honestly and unconditionally. Instead, they use words like these: “I’m sorry if I hurt you.” “Let’s just forget the past.” “I suppose I could have done a better job.” “I guess it’s not all your fault.” These token statements rarely trigger genuine forgiveness and reconciliation. If you really want to make peace, ask God to help you breathe grace by humbly and thoroughly admitting your wrongs. One way to do this is to use the Seven A’s.

1. Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected)
2. Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs)
3. Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions)
4. Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting someone)
5. Accept the consequences (Such as making restitution)
6. Alter your behavior (Change your attitudes and actions)
7. Ask for forgiveness

See Matthew 7:3-5; 1 John 1:8-9; Proverbs 28:13.

For more on the seven A’s and confession, you can also see chapter 6 in The Peacemaker, Confession Brings Freedom.

Download the following sessions here! (right click, save-as)

Joshua Harris

Josh Harris- Forgiven to Forgive, Thursday Night Opening Session: Harris_Keynote.mp3

Chris Brauns

Chris Brauns- Focus on the Future in Order to Unpack Forgiveness Today, Friday Morning Session: Brauns_Keynote.mp3

Ken Sande

Ken Sande- The Most Forgiving People in the World, Friday Evening Session: Sande_Keynote.mp3

Thabiti Anyabwile

Thabiti Anyabwile- Confession and Forgiveness Bring Freedom, Saturday Morning Session: Anyabwile_Keynote.mp3

Bishop Efraim Tendero

Bishop Efraim Tendero- When We Forgive: The Power of Forgiveness in Communties, Sunday Morning Session: Tendero_Keynote.mp3

As a child, when I did wrong, my only desire was to hide it.  I didn’t want to get in trouble.  I didn’t want my parents to be angry.  But despite my efforts to hide my sin, my parents always figured it out.  If I did not confess, I had a brother who would for me.  As an adult, you would think I would’ve overcome this, but I haven’t.  When I hurt someone, even if minimal, I struggle with confessing it.  I want to hide my sin and camouflage it with my good works.  I look at the other person’s sin, and the only offense that I overlook is my own.

Despite knowing that God is all knowing, I hide my sin in my heart.  I justify it by twisting the words of God.  I take his words out of context and choose to listen to the ones that will comfort my guilt. 

“Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden.” Genesis 3: 8

Are you in hiding?  Are there any confessions that you need to make today?

“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.  If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.”  1 John 1: 8-10