Yesterday on his blog, Tim Challies answers this question from a reader: “How do you discern when to take something up with a person and when is it something to just let go (is it ever right to just “let it go”?).”

He starts his answer by looking at Scripture verses that seem immediately applicable to this question:

Proverbs 17:14 says, “The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.” This tells me that there are some situations in which strife is unnecessary and even unhelpful. A couple of chapters later we read “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11). Put these verses together and we realize that we are not required by God to confront a person every time he or she offends us. In fact, there are times when we should not confront a person. And honestly, if every person I have offended confronted me every time I sin against them in some way, I would be an awfully busy guy. There are times when the best course of action is to leave our offenses between the offender and God.

He then directs his readers to Chris Brauns’ book Unpacking Forgiveness (which I am still slowly working my way through) and a thought process that Brauns draws out in order to help us understand when to overlook an offense and when to address it. I encourage you to read Challies’ points in full (and Brauns’ book!), but here’s a list of the main points:

1. Examine yourself
2. Examine yourself again: are you right?
3. Determine the importance
4. Look for patterns
5. Be sensitive
6. Seek counsel

I would also add a couple of key questions that Ken Sande asks in chapter 7 of The Peacemaker, regarding the question of “When are someone’s sins too serious to overlook?”

• Is it dishonoring God? (of course, all sin dishonors God, but he’s saying if someone’s sin is visible enough to obviously and significantly affect a Christian’s or church’s witness)
• Is it damaging your relationship? (if you are unable to forgive an offense and your thoughts, feelings and actions are altered for more than a short period of time)
• Is it hurting others? (if it results in significant harm to you or others, either directly — e.g. drunk driving — or indirectly, like encouraging another Christian to behave in a similar manner)
• Is it hurting the offender? (physical harm like drug abuse would be an example, but also if you see long term damage in the person’s relationship with God or other people … this is looking out for his or her interests)

Of course, all of these questions call for a great deal of wisdom, because there is rarely a clear-cut answer. That’s why I appreciate Challies’/Brauns’ points 1 and 2: Examine yourself… and Examine yourself again!

Comments RSS